Says Who?
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Are you looking for some friendly company to help you through the hell that we find ourselves in after the 2016 election? Dan Sinker and Maureen Johnson—one journalist and one author—try to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe, together, they can figure it out (spoiler alert: probably not)! Why not grab your coffee (or something stronger) and pull up a chair?

SAYS WHO: it's not a podcast—it's a coping strategy.

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    Rolling Out

    Summer's here, and everyone's hitting the road! Dan's back in his trailer, Maureen's done with her book, and Trump is off making a great impression across the Atlantic. Surely nothing can possibly go wrong.

    Wait for it: Everything kinda went wrong.

    Trump insulted royalty, he threatened to take away the national health service, his large adult sons skipped out on their bar tab, and someone gave him an enormous hat to wear. Plus, he sat down for a meal that contained zero things he might actually eat.

    Put on extra sunscreen, order an extra large Slurpee, and get ready for summer with Says Who because things are heating up!

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    LIVE FROM POD X

    Live from Pod X in beautiful Nashville Tennessee, it's Maureen and Dan out of their closet and basement and instead sitting right next to each other doing an episode! In front of people! Really!

    But whatever could they talk about? Thankfully ROBERT MUELLER HIMSELF spoke! Also in front of people! Really! Did he have the voice of an angel? What did he say? Let's discuss, shall we?

    And then Donald Trump got on an airplane and traveled to Japan to give a sumo wrestler the President's Cup, which was a thing that did not exist until now. And then... they ate food. Steak? Check. Vanilla Ice Cream. Check.

    And finally, we've got 23 candidates for the 2020 Democratic primary which means... Amy Carter's Shoe paid a visit. And she's real.

    If you weren't there in Nashville, come on and dance with the one who brung ya.

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    NOSFERATU 2020

    When we last left them, Dan was in Chicago in the cold drizzle and Maureen was in the puppy pen. Dan is still in the drizzle. Maureen, however, has made it on to the sofa! The puppy is asleep. All is peaceful and calm. Things are good.

    But ARE they, SaysWhovia? Is this situation under any kind of control? What happens when the people who are in charge just stop abiding the law? At what point do we stop tolerating this and fight back? When is enough enough? Where is the line in the sand? WHITHER IMPEACHMENT?

    Dan would like to know. Maureen has thoughts, but the puppy is awake and needs to pee. Ah, no. The puppy is peeing. And it's Sayswhosterpiece Theater time! This time, we have Mr. Says Who himself, Michael Cohen!

    Oh, the puppy is extra awake. The puppy is ready to play. Maureen is losing control of the situation. How does this end? Does SaysWhovia have a dog park?

    Sometimes the tooth is sharp, SaysWhovia, but we keep going.

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    SAYS POO

    Look. Maureen is in the puppy pen again. Sometimes, she goes in there all on her own. Times are tough all over OK? Don't judge.

    Remember the halcyon days of checks calendar two weeks ago when it seemed like we were in a real lull period? Yeah, not anymore so much. Shit is getting real all over and so on...

    BARK

    What's that?

    BARKBARKBARK

    Oh, more puppy talk? Sure, we can work with that.

    Also, Maureen attempts to name all 22 Democratic candidates for mayor, Bill Barr gets found in contempt, and Amy Carter's Shoe reveals something about Joe Biden that you ABSOLUTELY WILL WANT TO UNKNOW. Plus, Oscar pays a visit! It turns out he's real and not a character Maureen has just made up all these years. Who knew?

    Anyway, we're trying.

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    LEGAL IS OPTIONAL

    We are between worlds, SaysWhovia.

    In some sense, everything is calm and normal. People go to work and shop and eat. Kids ride bikes. But, much like on Stranger Things, something lurks beneath. The Report has arrived, except no one can get it. William Barr is called by the House and...doesn't show up. Tax records and requested and not provided. It turns out you don't have to follow the law! Or something! Whatever!

    Maureen and Dan try to work out this new reality. Can you just do whatever now? Are 2020 elections canceled, or have they already started? Will Trump just decide not to leave and stay forever?

    WE JUST DON'T KNOW!

    But, Maureen also has a puppy so we can talk about that for a while. Puppies are better.

    Everyone into the puppy playpen, SaysWhovia. It's safe in here.

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    GAME OF SCROTES

    Here's the thing...

    ...it seems kind of normal out there. Or so Dan thinks. It's quiet. Too quiet. This weekend, everyone enjoyed some Thrones and Avengers. It almost felt normal. Things must be...

    noises

    Oh. Maureen got a puppy! SaysWhovia has a new resident! Her life is on fire, but good fire! But fire. And, as you will see, she has a different take on this period. And she has brought textual evidence from the SaysWhovian readings, from the Book of Bannon. And she's not in the closet.

    Life seeps in, SaysWhovia. But what does it mean? What's coming next?

    In the Game of Scrotes, you win or you... well, it's just more scrotes.

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    FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE with Akilah Hughes

    We're in it now. It's stupid noon and the town has gathered on the square. The gunfighters are facing off. The sheriff is holding a copy of the Muller Report. Everything is quiet, except Fartin' Joe who eats all the beans. Impeachment? Or more crimes? All crimes? Are we ceding the town to the varmints?

    Oh, we could wonder about that, or we could spend a blissful hour with Akilah Hughes who was an ACTUAL DISNEY PRINCESS AND KNOWS ALL THE SECRETS OF THE KINGDOM! Guess which we do.

    Guess guess guess guess guess.

    That's right. Put your Mueller report aside because IT IS TIME TO TALK DISNEY ON SAYS WHO.

    Let's disappear into the tunnels under SaysWhovia. Don't mind the bodies, they never die here.

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    NO REALLY NOW IT'S MUELLER TIME

    Welp. Here we go.

    THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. This is not a drill.

    Dan has spent the morning speed-reading a shitty PDF. Maureen has spent the morning recovering from a late-night arrival back from Los Angeles. Two after the report's release, they get together to talk over the sound of drills and hammering at Maureen's apartment and sort out WTAF is going on.

    Strap in SaysWhovians, it's go time.

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    JUST STICK IT IN THERE, CHAD

    It's important to do your homework. Maureen knows this. Dan knows this. You know it. Study. Be prepared. Learn.

    Which is how we come to this week, in which Britain crashes headlong into a brick wall of its own making as it tries to condense one of the most colossal decisions in their history into two days. A week in which a President who has a vocabulary that could be written out on six flashcards gutted the Secret Service--a Secret Service who found a bunch of really hinky spyware drives and asked the question, "What if we just stuck this in our computer full of secret information?" What if, SaysWhovia? WHAT IF?

    Is it possible that things are not running as well as we had hoped?

    Plus, Maureen is traveling again. Dan is about to lose his beard.

    And we all take a strange trip down to Mar a Lago to learn... something. We learn something OK?

    Stay in school, SaysWhovia.

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    POD SAVE THE QUEEN with HAYES BROWN

    Here in SaysWhovia, we frequently sit on our porches of an evening, talking to our neighbors about whatever ****ery Trump has done that week. Like, claim his dad is from Germany, or threaten to shut the border or blow up all of healthcare. Or, you know, a normal Wednesday.

    But how often do we look over at the tremendous ****ery that's going on with our British Cousins, in SaysWhovia, UK? Because, as it turns out, A LOT IS GOING ON, and we've got Hayes Brown from Buzzfeed in for our BREXIT BREAKDOWN.

    Plus, Maureen had a blender and she needs to tell Dan all about it. And SaysWhovia got a postage machine!

    Pour yourself a cup of tea and turn off the telly. It's time for Says Who!

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