Says Who?

Are you looking for some friendly company to help you through the hell that we find ourselves in after the 2016 election? Dan Sinker and Maureen Johnson—one journalist and one author—try to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe, together, they can figure it out (spoiler alert: probably not)! Why not grab your coffee (or something stronger) and pull up a chair?

SAYS WHO: it's not a podcast—it's a coping strategy.

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    Maureen has been away on a tour for her new book and hasn't been keeping up with events. What has been going on? Dan has been keeping up with events from hospital waiting rooms and from his basement in Chicago and he is... not handling it well. It's been the most Trumpy two weeks of all time.

    What's on the menu? Shithole countries, fake photo ops, 22 minutes of trying to mute a call, a missile warning in Hawaii, MLK day spent on the golf course, Starburstgate, a cognitive test, a question of height, the Fake News Awards, the Women's March, the government shutdown...

    ...oh, and Stormy Daniels. So much Stormy Daniels.

    This episode may be hazardous to your health. Luckily, the doctor is in. Take a seat. Doctor Chill MD will see you shortly.

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    Ep. 41: THE SAYS WHO BOOK CLUB with Eve Peyser

    Greetings book lovers! Grab a bag of Big Macs and Fillets o Fish and join us over here in the book nook because things get pretty literary this week. First off Maureen has a NEW BOOK and you should pick it up. But Maureen's not the only author with a new book in stores, nope. Michael Wolff's Trump tell-allish Fire and Fury came out this week and Maureen and Dan forced themselves through it so that you don't have to. Really. You don't have to.

    Not the hoity-toity literary type? Don't worry because this episode we're also joined by Vice politics reporter Eve Peyser who lived like Donald Trump for a day: 12 diet cokes, a pile of Big Macs, golf, and angry tweeting. We sit down to find out what she learned (and how she lived).

    So grab a burger and a book and join us for the Says Who Book Club.

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    Ep. 40: Potty Magnet New Years

    Dan and Maureen come together by the fire at the end of December to ring out the old year and welcome the new (DEAR GOD YES PLEASE THE NEW). They show 2017 the door with much less patience than Maureen explaining the pee tape to her mother while at the bank, which, yes, happened. This because of a truck with a window decal that decidedly did not read "potty magnet".

    But this episode isn't just about shedding the curse of 2017, it's also about talking about what's been learned and how it's changed the way we're thinking about 2018. Sayswhovians, we're not gonna lie: things get earnest. But why shouldn't they: we made it through 2017 and we've gotta live 2018 to the maxx.

    But it's not all days of future past, Trump is now officially in the Disney Hall of Presidents--perhaps the most Sayswhovian of news updates--and though Dan and Maureen have long dreaded the day that robot was turned on, it turns out that the Imagineers at Disney had something wonderful in store! They were not going down without a fight. They inspire us to go into 2018 TO THE MAXX.

    Oh and also: someone's getting married (hint: it's not the Trump robot)!

    So come sit with us and let's tell each other wonderful tales of the holiday season, SaysWhovians!

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    Ep. 39: THE BLUE APRON HOLIDAY SPECIAL* with Parker Molloy

    HO HO HOLLLLLY SHIT! We've almost made it through 2017, Sayswhovians! It's time for HOLIDAY CHEER! Let us sing songs, and feast, and count our blessings. Dan and Maureen are ready. Sort of. Maureen has flooded her apartment and Dan has a fever. But they're still ready to jingle all the way to the Alabama special election results! Or something! Look, there is singing.

    Just when you think it couldn't get more merry, Parker Molloy comes down the chimney to spread GOOD CHEER. We talk coping and rabbit poop. And, once again, our friends at Blue Apron bring us the Says Who Food Corner. Can you drink twelve Diet Cokes a day and live? Mmmmaybe.

    Says Who: we're like food in a box for your ears.

    • this episode not actually affiliated with Blue Apron
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    It's been a couple weeks since the last full-politics episode of Says Who and... a lot has happened. Life stuff, Trump stuff, good stuff, bad stuff--just lots and lots of stuff. So this episode, Dan and Maureen just roll it all up into a ball that keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. How did Dan's Thanksgiving tacos turn out? It's in the ball! What was Maureen's sex-ed class like in high school? It's in the ball! Is Eric Trump the stupidest of all the adult Trump children? It's in the ball! Which princesses are official Disney Princesses? It's in the ball! Royal wedding? Ball! Ceramic Christmas towns? Ball! Neti pots? Ball! What about this piece of sh*t new tax plan? You know where it is.

    Grab some sturdy headphones because you're going in the ball too.

    Says Who: it's a big ball... OF EVERYTHING.

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    It's THANKSGIVING, Saywhovians! It's a special episode just for the holiday, and it contains NO TRUMP. Dan and Maureen talk food and holiday tradition for a bit, and then they are rejoined by Helen Rosner to take a trip to Stardew Valley.

    What's Stardew Valley? Only the best, most peaceful video game. Is it even a video game? It is actually a way to discover who we really are? If you don't know it, then you're about to find out about it. And if you do know it, then you are about to go deep. Can you make wine out of mayonnaise? What's the village secret? Who will Dan marry? Will Helen become ruler of all of Stardew? And why is Maureen just carrying a drum machine around on her head?

    Leave that awkward political discussion at the table. There's no need to listen to why your uncle thinks Trump just needs a chance to make America great again. You're going to Stardew with us.

    Eat a cranberries?

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    Ep. 36: THE KETCHUP CONNECTION with Helen Rosner

    Dan and Maureen are not playing around anymore. The yarn is all around the room and there are pins all over. The crazy wall is showing a pattern, and that pattern is based on ketchup. Food writer and all around amazing person Helen Rosner is back to help break the case. What does it all mean? Does Trump eat fried mushrooms? What about ranch dressing? WHY ALL THE BEEF? We are THISCLOSE to cracking this wide open.

    Oh, and ELECTION DAY! We won! We have hope again! We are full of good news! Also, Dan has built a Trump pooping app. Maureen is back on the sponsorship trail.

    It's all about the food, Sayswhovians. Pull up a chair. This podcast is for eating.

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    Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Today was such an amazing day that Dan and Maureen sat down to record early. Copetober had one more surprise in store, and it was a big one. It was the Great Pumpkin, Saywhovians! And Dan and Maureen are here for it. In fact, the import of this day may have evicted them from the remains of their minds. What is this warm and glowing feeling? Is it HOPE?

    Yes, it is INDICTMENT DAY!! Manafort woke up bright and early this morning and drive himself over to the FBI, a low level stooge may have flipped, and Trump of course took it all really well. We are here for IT and for YOU and we break it all down as best we can.

    There are other things, too, like pooping and pie and Stardew Valley. There is a wonderland of audio goodness ahead. Why can't Maureen fish? Why does Dan hate cherries? Who is best at irrigation? Do rice and two pieces of cherry pie make a meal? Blue Apron?

    Who cares? IT'S INDICTMENT DAY!

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    So, this year, huh? RIGHT????

    Dan and Maureen share some personal info, and then they dive right into a crisp pile of Copetober leaves. Maureen has a new idea for a service. Dan likes boxes. Dan likes boxes so much more than you will ever know. We get a new Says Who recipe, and Maureen delivers another story about her aunt who had the suicidal bird. Dan learns what PSL stands for. And they talk about trying to think about the future even when the present really sucks.

    YOUR questions are answered. Need a funny book? A good pie? How about a mental image that will never, ever go away? It's all right here.

    So get yourself a Pumpkin Spice whatever, put on your flannel, and sit next to us here on this hay bale and listen to the stories of Says Who by this fire. Don't ask us about the fire.

    PS: steal their phones

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