Says Who?
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Are you looking for some friendly company to help you through the hell that we find ourselves in after the 2016 election? Dan Sinker and Maureen Johnson—one journalist and one author—try to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe, together, they can figure it out (spoiler alert: probably not)! Why not grab your coffee (or something stronger) and pull up a chair?

SAYS WHO: it's not a podcast—it's a coping strategy.

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    LEGAL IS OPTIONAL

    We are between worlds, SaysWhovia.

    In some sense, everything is calm and normal. People go to work and shop and eat. Kids ride bikes. But, much like on Stranger Things, something lurks beneath. The Report has arrived, except no one can get it. William Barr is called by the House and...doesn't show up. Tax records and requested and not provided. It turns out you don't have to follow the law! Or something! Whatever!

    Maureen and Dan try to work out this new reality. Can you just do whatever now? Are 2020 elections canceled, or have they already started? Will Trump just decide not to leave and stay forever?

    WE JUST DON'T KNOW!

    But, Maureen also has a puppy so we can talk about that for a while. Puppies are better.

    Everyone into the puppy playpen, SaysWhovia. It's safe in here.

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    GAME OF SCROTES

    Here's the thing...

    ...it seems kind of normal out there. Or so Dan thinks. It's quiet. Too quiet. This weekend, everyone enjoyed some Thrones and Avengers. It almost felt normal. Things must be...

    noises

    Oh. Maureen got a puppy! SaysWhovia has a new resident! Her life is on fire, but good fire! But fire. And, as you will see, she has a different take on this period. And she has brought textual evidence from the SaysWhovian readings, from the Book of Bannon. And she's not in the closet.

    Life seeps in, SaysWhovia. But what does it mean? What's coming next?

    In the Game of Scrotes, you win or you... well, it's just more scrotes.

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    FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE with Akilah Hughes

    We're in it now. It's stupid noon and the town has gathered on the square. The gunfighters are facing off. The sheriff is holding a copy of the Muller Report. Everything is quiet, except Fartin' Joe who eats all the beans. Impeachment? Or more crimes? All crimes? Are we ceding the town to the varmints?

    Oh, we could wonder about that, or we could spend a blissful hour with Akilah Hughes who was an ACTUAL DISNEY PRINCESS AND KNOWS ALL THE SECRETS OF THE KINGDOM! Guess which we do.

    Guess guess guess guess guess.

    That's right. Put your Mueller report aside because IT IS TIME TO TALK DISNEY ON SAYS WHO.

    Let's disappear into the tunnels under SaysWhovia. Don't mind the bodies, they never die here.

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    NO REALLY NOW IT'S MUELLER TIME

    Welp. Here we go.

    THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. THE MUELLER REPORT IS OUT. This is not a drill.

    Dan has spent the morning speed-reading a shitty PDF. Maureen has spent the morning recovering from a late-night arrival back from Los Angeles. Two after the report's release, they get together to talk over the sound of drills and hammering at Maureen's apartment and sort out WTAF is going on.

    Strap in SaysWhovians, it's go time.

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    JUST STICK IT IN THERE, CHAD

    It's important to do your homework. Maureen knows this. Dan knows this. You know it. Study. Be prepared. Learn.

    Which is how we come to this week, in which Britain crashes headlong into a brick wall of its own making as it tries to condense one of the most colossal decisions in their history into two days. A week in which a President who has a vocabulary that could be written out on six flashcards gutted the Secret Service--a Secret Service who found a bunch of really hinky spyware drives and asked the question, "What if we just stuck this in our computer full of secret information?" What if, SaysWhovia? WHAT IF?

    Is it possible that things are not running as well as we had hoped?

    Plus, Maureen is traveling again. Dan is about to lose his beard.

    And we all take a strange trip down to Mar a Lago to learn... something. We learn something OK?

    Stay in school, SaysWhovia.

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    POD SAVE THE QUEEN with HAYES BROWN

    Here in SaysWhovia, we frequently sit on our porches of an evening, talking to our neighbors about whatever ****ery Trump has done that week. Like, claim his dad is from Germany, or threaten to shut the border or blow up all of healthcare. Or, you know, a normal Wednesday.

    But how often do we look over at the tremendous ****ery that's going on with our British Cousins, in SaysWhovia, UK? Because, as it turns out, A LOT IS GOING ON, and we've got Hayes Brown from Buzzfeed in for our BREXIT BREAKDOWN.

    Plus, Maureen had a blender and she needs to tell Dan all about it. And SaysWhovia got a postage machine!

    Pour yourself a cup of tea and turn off the telly. It's time for Says Who!

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    LET'S TAKE FLORIDA

    It's been a full TWO WEEKS since the last episode. This is because both Dan and Maureen have been traveling. Dan has been going west! And Maureen has gone to Florida, and Florida, and Canada!, and Florida.

    In fact, she's still in Florida! And her mic doesn't work!

    Why so much Florida? Many reasons, Sayswhovians. One of them is for research. Because, if we are going to win, we are going to need to take Florida back. Maureen is studying its ways, watching golfers and yacht-buyers and people with hats. The Says Who Revolution starts in the Everglades.

    Meanwhile, it's been a big two weeks for crimes! So many crimes. Paul Manafort crimes and rich people crimes. The President is taking it all well and nothing is wrong.

    Also, there is Brexit, which is also going fine and nothing is wrong.

    Pull up a chair under this patio umbrella and catch up with us. We need to start building SaysWhovia. Let's make a plan.

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    THE MYSTERIOUS MR. CALAMARI

    Trump has been busy in Hanoi, getting...well, nothing done! He is mad! He is sad! Things are bad! Everyone and everything in his life is about to be examined. He's going to need to talk to some food about this. Yes, the hamburger buffet is back!

    Maureen has had a busy few days, which means that again, Dan has been looking into things. And he's found something. Or, he's found...well, he's found the Mysterious Life of Mr. Calamari, the COO of Trump Inc. What's with this squid? Dan has much to tell in that he has nothing to tell. It's like the opposite of the omelette story.

    Why does everything in this come down to food?

    Who's hungry? Hungry for hamberders? Hungry for testimony? Hungry for documentary evidence? Well, get a plate, because the buffet is open!

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    THINGS ARE COHEN YOUR WAY

    What's this? Maureen was at Disney over the weekend? It's true. The reason was sad, but it was therapeutic. Disney is there to embrace us at our time of need. So once again, Dan was steering the Good Ship SaysWho into the seas of news. AND THE SEAS ARE CHURNING.

    As we record, we are on the eve of Michael Cohen Mania. The President's former lawyer and professional goober is about to spill the beans on TV. He has a story he wants to tell, a song he wants to sing. Meanwhile, the President is going to meet with his penpal, Kim Jong-Un, and will probably do anything to take attention away from Michael Cohen. Maureen thinks they may even have a sex, right there, on the TV!

    MEANWHILE, Paul Manafort got in trouble for telling every single lie and Roger Stone got in trouble for accidentally on purpose putting a crosshairs on a picture of the judge in his case. No one here is smart, and it's all coming to pieces.

    Thankfully, we have SaysWhosterpiece Theater to bring some class to Roger Stone's gag order hearing this week. And playing the role of Roger Stone's lawyer, we have a special guest: Starlee Kine.

    Did we mention Disney? Let's think about that.

    Make sure your head and arms are inside of the car, SaysWhovians. The bar will lower automatically. We are going on a ride.

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